Updates!!

I have no idea if anyone is even visiting this blog anymore, but I thought I'd say hello and give an update.

I'm through the first 1/4 of the semester and it is going well, so far. I have a feeling it will get harder, but so far I have perfect scores on everything. I have a sociology test next week and I am pretty sure it will mess up my perfect run! The terms I'm having to memorize are complex and have similar meanings... hard to remember which is which!. But, I am loving being back in school. I wasn't expecting to really like it, but I do. I have a history instructor who has a terrific lecturing style.... it feels like you're just sitting there listening to a good story-teller. And, rather than giving you pages and pages of notes to copy from the board, he shows pictures. I'm a visual learner, so this is perfect for me. When I am trying to remember something, having a picture in my head really helps me to remember. I hope to get Hannah and Parker into one of his classes next semester, if the Lord allows.

Last week, I took my turn teaching one of my classes.... the professor has each student take a day to teach on a literary term for the first half hour of class. I have done quite a bit of public speaking in the past, but honestly, at college... I have wanted to just blend in rather than be noticed as the "old lady" in the class. So, I wasn't looking forward to it. But, it went okay and my professor told me today that I should consider going into education because I have a good teaching style. Maybe that comes from homeschooling for 14 years....

I recently mentioned on this blog that we were looking into replacing our gas guzzling van. At over $100 to fill the tank, it was adding up to a LOT of money each month. The van has something like 170,000 miles on it, and gets about 15 miles per gallon! Our daughter-in-love's father, who owns a car dealership, starting looking for a used car for us at auctions. He found an excellent car, roomy enough for Mark to use for the business (he needs room for ladders and tools), gas mileage is phenomenal, and the price was incredible. I actually feel kind of embarrassed to drive it, because it looks like we spent way more money than we did. But, we ran the numbers, and the savings in gas make the car pay for itself quickly. Another good thing is that it will look better than the old van when he has an inspection.... and probably make a much better impression on Realtors. Anyway.... all that to say.... God is amazing. He provided again for a need, I could not have imagined this could have worked out so well.

Please continue to pray for Mark and the business. Things are slow, but we seem to make steady progress in the right direction... just a whole lot slower than we'd like!

Mamas Prayers

Well, as you can see I haven't stayed away too long. I got a ton of homework done yesterday, so I feel like I have a few minutes to catch up on my online work. I was able to edit and post some things on HeyMark.info this morning. Then, I figured it would only take a few minutes more to share a quick story here before I go hit the books!

My second son enrolled in the same college I am going to this semester. One thing I've worried about is that his major will require quite a bit of psychology classes. And, I was a smidge worried about his taking this at a secular school. I knew all I could do was pray. So, I prayed that God would put him in the right class. And, funny thing... when Paul came home from his first day in Psychology he walked in and said, "Mom, did you pray for a Christian psychology teacher for me? Because, I'm pretty sure I got one!" Praise God!!

If you think of Paul, please pray that he will persevere.... he is feeling pretty overwhelmed with the homework, as well. He is working two jobs and has a very busy band that performs at least a couple of shows a weekend. So, he is tired and I just pray that he'll be able to keep up with everything and do well in school.

"In God we make our boast all day long
and we will praise your name forever."

Ps. 44:8

He Ordains Praise!

Today I was thinking about this blog and the probability of being able to continue blogging! I'm thinking that it isn't too great, quite honestly. I want to. But, I'm on day 2 of school and can already see that there will be little time for anything but school/work. So, my apologies up front to you... I'm sorry if you keep checking back here for updates and keep finding nothing new!

But, today I thought I'd take a minute to just share that things are going okay here. Mark's work is more consistent again. We wish it were more, but consistency is probably the main goal right now. If you think of us, keep praying for that, as well as growth. We've also made a decision to try to replace our huge conversion van. The gas costs are literally milking us dry. We kept putting it off, hoping that our circumstances would improve before we made that kind of change, but the truth is.... we could either keep putting the money into the gas executives pockets, OR put it towards a smaller vehicle. So, we've chosen the latter. God has even arranged for that need through our wonderful daughter-in-law's father. He has a car business and he is looking for a good deal on a car that gets great gas mileage. (He, by the way, is a Christian and an HONEST car dealer just a short drive from here... let us know if you are in the market for a used or new car and we'll give you his info.) Two days after deciding we needed to make this change, we got a message from someone interested in buying our van, as well. So, that could make it even better!

Another thing I wanted to do today, is share more from my Psalms of the Ascent studies with you. In particular, a quote from the study guide that comes to my mind again and again:

Sometimes the circumstances of our suffering may not change,
but the circumstances of our hearts are changed
in the midst of them through a keen sense of God's presence
and a lively perception of His activity.

These words are so perfect, I cannot think of a better way to explain the last two years to you. In spite of circumstances that are challenging, scary, up and down, and illogical, I have great joy! Most of the time, I have a peace that defies human logic. We have witnessed so many miracles and amazing displays of God's care, His provision, and His love. That "lively perception of His activity" has been HUGE in our lives. It makes the trial all worth while. It is something I wish for every Christian. The drawing closer and closer to Him, because you find you cannot stand on your own.... there is nothing like walking in true dependency. I now know, what people mean, when they say you cannot truly learn to trust God until "whatever it is you trust in", is taken away. A bank account. A job. A paycheck. Health. Home. Family. Christians know they need to trust God, but I think for most of us it is more theory than practice... until issues come up that really test our faith and force our hand.

In all honesty, there are days when circumstances begin to overwhelm me with fear and strip me of my peace. The enemy begins to whisper deceitful words to me and it can cause me to become negative and doubtful! But, turning to God.... no, running to God, is my answer every time. Psalm 8:1-2 says:

O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory
above the heavens.

From the lips of children and infants
you have ordained praise
because of your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger.

Notice that second part, will you? Do you see it? We can silence the foe and the avenger! How?... go back up to the first two lines and there is the answer. THROUGH PRAISE! We can force Satan to zip his lips simply through our praise! If you find that you are being attacked by Satan, if you find your peace being stolen away, your joy being elusive, and/or are filled with thoughts that cause you to take your eyes off of God and onto your worldly circumstances.... just get on your knees and praise Him! I find that thought so amazing... to think that we can open our mouths in praise, and it causes Satan and his dominion's mouths to be "glued shut". It is an amazing weapon available to us for spiritual warfare.

Praisin' Him.

Kelly

Yay!!

I just won a set of two cooking knives from my favorite cooking blog: Pioneer Woman Cooks!!

Ree (a.k.a. Pioneer Woman) has a fun-to-read blog with beautiful photography and terrific recipes. I enter most of her contest, but she has such a large readership it isn't unusual to see 5,000-10,000 entries. I was super shocked to see that I was one of the winners for this one! Another provision and blessing from God!

God Meets Our Needs!

Since I am about to start college in a few weeks, I have been reevaluating all of my activities to see what I can eliminate. I was having trouble deciding what to do about the bread ministry. I started it about a year ago, but now my class schedule will interfere. Mark and I can still pick up the leftover bread, but I have classes during our bread distribution time. I wondered if we should just stop the bread ministry, or if I should try to find some people to take over.

Shortly after I started praying about this, I went into the church office and one of our secretaries told me a story.... The previous week, she came to our distribution area and picked up some bread for some people who needed it. She was about to go back to her office when she stopped and said, "You know, we have some missionaries from my church who just returned from the mission field. They have several kids and I bet they could use a little bit of assistance right now." So, we filled a couple of bags full of bagels for them. When our secretary called the missionary family and started with the typical, "Hi, how are you?".....she learned that the father was out of town and the rest of the family came down with the flu. The mother was very ill but the kids were beginning to feel well enough to start asking for something to eat. The woman said she was in no condition to cook, but.... "I was just thinking if I could just crawl out of bed long enough to go get some bagels from Panera's they could kind of fend for themselves for a little while." To which the secretary exclaimed, "That's what I was calling about.... I have two bags full of Panera bagels for you!" It was definitely providential that God brought that family to her mind that day!

God meets our needs.... Amen??

And, it was also a affirmation to me, that trying to continue the bread ministry would be a good thing. I put out a call for new volunteers and we'll wait and see what God does!

Life....

I have been really busy the past few weeks. I have a 'secret' to share with you today. I'll start out by saying that I quit college twenty-some years ago, when I gave birth to my first son. Mark and I were both college students at the time, but couldn't really afford for both of us to continue going to school and paying a babysitter, etc. So, I quit school and worked full-time, while Mark finished his degree. I always planned to go back "some day".

Earlier this year, I was preparing to fill out a FAFSA (financial aid application) for college for my son, Paul, and I thought about the fact that I would probably be eligible for some financial aid due to our low income. And then, I thought about wanting to go back to school some day, and the fact that we're only a few years from the empty nest. When the nest is empty, it would be nice to be able to go to work for something more than minimum wage.

Soooooo.... I filled out a FAFSA for myself, as well. And I began praying. I prayed that if this was not God's will, that He would close the door. I also prayed that if it were His will, that he'd provide a way for our two youngest kids, who are still at home and are homeschooled, to take some classes at our learning center. Well, that happened! Not only do I have enough aid to have my tuition and books paid for, but am able to pay for a couple of classes at the learning center for the kids.

Over the last few weeks I've been busy jumping through all the hoops at the college... verifying our income, sending transcripts, meeting with an advisor, etc., etc. And, finally, Monday I was able to enroll as a full-time student!

I am thinking of this as a trial run. One semester as a full-time student and then I will prayerfully re-evaluate. Is a full load too much? Do I want to keep going? Can I handle a little more? Or will the taste of what I thought was my dream cause me to change my mind all together? We'll see. I can't help but think of Stormie Omartian's book, "Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On." Sometimes we can only see the next step God is asking us to take. We don't know where it may lead or exactly why we are taking it... we may have plans, dreams, expectations... but we must turn those over to God and just trust whatever steps God leads us to take.

Walk by Faith...

There have been so many ah-ha moments during my study of the Psalms of Ascent, I cannot begin to share everything. Some things are so hard to put into words and I have had very little time for blogging lately. But, I occasionally look at the Google search terms that bring people to this blog, and it is obvious that many people end up here because they searching for assurance during difficult times. So... I will try. I will try to put it into words.

We studied Psalm 125 a few weeks ago and it begins,

"Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion

which sits unmoved forever.

As the mountains surround Jerusalem,

the Lord surrounds His people, now and forever."

Isn't that an amazing promise??? When we trust in God, we are as steady as a mountain! Unshaken. Stable. Confident. Secure.
There is a ton of power in the decision to trust!

But, Beth pointed out that it is pretty easy to mix things up and put our trust in the wrong place. We were sent to Psalm 30:6-7, when David tells about a time when he began to feel secure based on his prosperity. Somewhere along the way, David made the mistake of feeling secure in the blessings of God rather than God himself. This is a statement I had to camp on for a while. We've been the recipients of God's blessings repeatedly over many, many months. If anyone is in danger of putting the trust in the wrong place, we certainly could be.

Where is my trust? In God's "doings" or in HIM? Usually, I have my trust in the right place. But, I must admit, there have been times when my trust was misplaced.... when I trusted a job.... a plentiful bank account.... a gift.... a pantry full of food.... a business..... All of those things and good and precious gifts from God, but I have to be careful to see that I am not worshiping at the alter of God's blessings rather than the alter of God, Himself. The first few words of this Psalm make it clear where my trust should be... "those who trust in the LORD...." This is the one and only place my trust should reside... and not because of what He does, but because of Who He is.

But, let's take it a step further. What if, for some reason, we do not see visible evidence that God is blessing us? Are we going to keep trusting Him, even when we don't? When difficulties surround me, when life is becoming less and less of what I expected it to be? How do I respond when he delays in providing something I think we need?? This is where the rubber meet the road. Do I have a fair-weather faith or a faith that will weather the most difficult of storms?

Beth Moore puts it so eloquently:

"We can grow secure in the favor God has shown us,

but God's favor and His person are not synonymous.

If our trust is in manifestations of God's favor rather than God Himself,

we will crumble like dry clay when He calls us to walk a distance

of our journey entirely by faith and not by sight."

The example of the apostle Paul comes to my mind here, who was imprisoned, flogged, beaten with rods, stoned, shipwrecked, constantly in danger, suffered from hunger, thirst, cold and lack of clothing. But, did he lose faith in God because of it? To the contrary, he saw it as an opportunity for God's strength to show through him. He is truly an example of not putting trust in tangible blessings as opposed to God Himself. Look back to the scripture where I began: Psalm 125... when we have our trust in the right place, when we trust in God, Himself... we are a strong and steady mountain and cannot be shaken in spite of what is going on around us. That is why Paul was able to endure so much. He was strong and unwavering in his trust and faith in God.

"for we walk by faith, not by sight..." 2 Cor. 5:7

Blessings, Blessings!

I wanted to share the blessings my daughter has had this summer. I've already written about her first youth trip this summer, she needed approximately $90 for meals and God provided exactly that amount the week before she left through two babysitting jobs. When she got home from that trip, she was home just two days before the youth group would leave on their second mission trip of the summer. She again needed meal money for the trip, approximately $30. She was asked to help someone mow four lawns on one of those days she was home. For how much? $30, of course.

This month, the youth minister has planned a reward trip for the youth to go to an amusement park in Ohio. My daughter wasn't planning to go because she needed to pay a small deposit and she didn't have any money. But, guess what? They leave on Wednesday, and someone just asked her to babysit on Tuesday. Once again, God provides in His perfect timing. It is so precious to see such precise answers to prayer. EDIT: I forgot to mention that because my daughter wasn't able to pay the deposit ahead of time, she shouldn't have been able to go. But, because of a problem with our youth minister's computer he accidentally bought a couple of extra tickets to the park. So, of course, he is now allowing her to pay that deposit late and have one of his extra tickets!

I have some wonderful stuff to share from this week's Bible studies. I hope to have time to write about it soon!

Give Thanks in ALL Circumstances

My Bible study homework this past week has caused me to revisit one of the most powerful books I've ever read... The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. Corrie, with her family, worked to hide and save many Jewish people from the Nazis during WWII. Unfortunately, the Ten Booms were eventually caught and sent to concentration camps. Corrie ended up in the same camps as her sister, and at one point, they were transferred to new barracks. They found their new quarters to be a disgusting pit of filth.... with backed up plumbing, soiled and rancid bedding, and stacked platforms that would serve as their beds for the many months to come. As the sisters attempted to settle in, they discovered through the ensuing bites, that the place was also infested with a multitude of fleas. "How can we live in such a place!" Corrie cried out.... But, her sister prayed and asked God, "Show us. Show us how."

Betsie then remembered a Bible passage they had been reading earlier in the day. "Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus...." "That's it, Corrie! That's His answer! Give thanks in all circumstances! That's what we can do. We can start right now to thank God for every single thing about this new barracks!"

So, they began to thank God for many things that were true blessings... that they had a Bible, that they were together, and so on. Eventually, they also thanked God for the fleas, because Betsie insisted that there must be a good reason that God was allowing the fleas. But Corrie responded with, "There is no way even God can make me grateful for a flea."

"Give thanks in all circumstances," Betsie reminded her. "It doesn't say in pleasant circumstances."

Corrie and Betsie began using their smuggled Bible to lead Bible reading in a large room within their barracks. They were perplexed as to why there was rigid surveillance everywhere else in the prison camp, but they had very little supervision in the barracks. This gave them the freedom to openly lead large groups of women in Bible readings night after night.

Eventually, there was an incident when a guard should've entered their barracks but refused to do so because of the fleas. Betsie and Corrie suddenly realized why they'd had so much freedom to lead big Bible studies in that big room... it was the fleas. The fleas were the reason they were able to openly share God's Word night after night!

I thought of this story as I studied Psalm 124 in last week's Stepping Up homework. Beth Moore wrote these insightful words: "... in our humanity we tend to determine whether God is against us, for us, or tolerating us based on how He appears to act in our circumstances. In other words, our litmus test for whether we think God is really for us is circumstantial evidence." The problem with that is..... you and me.... we don't have a clue as to what is best for us. We cannot imagine how God might use the most despairing of circumstances for our good. We lack the imagination, the insight, the depth, to even come close to figuring it all out. If I may quote Beth again... "God will risk being misunderstood". He knows the glory of the future will be worth the difficulties of the present. He wants us to have crowns to throw at His feet!!

I believe, this is yet another layer to the trust lessons God is teaching me... To be thankful in all things. It is easy to feel thankful when you have circumstantial evidence that God is working in your favor. It is easy to trust when good things are happening. But, sometimes you don't have that kind of evidence... and sometimes you just have to trust that in spite of everything, God is at work!

"Dear LORD, show me how to trust You in this.
Show me how to believe you in this.
Show me how to be thankful in this."

Jesus said... "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
John 13:7

I Lift My Eyes to YOU

I mentioned before that I'm doing the Stepping Up Bible study by Beth Moore. This week we studied Psalm 123.... "I lift my eyes to You, the One enthroned in heaven..... " The crux of this lesson is that we must keep our eyes on God. I ask God to help me with this almost every day. It doesn't come naturally most of the time and Beth points out that it is actually the opposite of our instincts, saying: "every natural instinct begs us to stare wide-eyed in the face of our circumstances, demands, oppressors, and false saviors...." 

Beth also says that where we look has a tremendous impact on how we feel.  I've experienced the utter lack of peace and contentment that comes when I shift my focus to the wrong thing. I begin looking like a deer in headlights, frozen and staring blankly at the impending danger before me, rather than running towards and seeking refuge in my God! Nothing good comes from that frozen stare. But, the simple act of willing myself to look away and scrambling into the lap of my LORD has an amazing effect. I never really knew why the impact of proper focus was so great, but Beth makes an interesting point on this. She suggests that where we look has a huge effect on how we feel, because it becomes where we primarily listen. Wow. Could it be that when I have my eyes OFF of God, I become more vulnerable to worldly logic, or even worse, the whisperings of Satan? And, on the flip side, if I have my focus on God, then I'm more able to clearly hear His voice!  

Psalm 123, is also an important reminder that God is enthroned. By definition, this wording reflects His sovereignty. He is on the throne. He is ruling. He is King. And God's omniscience combined with His enthronement makes this even more incredible. He knows all as well as being in control and sovereign over all! Beth says, "everything else will downsize into its proper place when we look to God alone. Just as God is enthroned over the flood, (Ps. 29:10) He is enthroned over everything that troubles you." He is aware of all of my trials, all of my worries, all of my pain. He is still in control, even when the situation feels uncontrollable. 

In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge...

Rescue me and deliver me in your righteousness; 

turn your ear to me and save me.

Be my rock of refuge,

to which I can always go....

for you are my rock and my fortress... 

You have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD.  

Ps. 71

See What God Has Done!

Through a grant from our city, combined with a new ministry in our church, we are getting new siding on our house. I cannot tell you what an emotional boost it is to have something like this done. We've had to let things go for over 2 years now, and only GOD could make this happen when we are so broke, broke, broke! You can only get a glimpse of the back of the house due to our trees. After this weekend, I might be able to post a photo of the front.

I thank God for these volunteers who are coming to work on our house and giving up several weekends to do so. God's people are amazing. gracious & generous!

Stepping Up

I started Beth Moore's Stepping Up Bible study last week. I almost didn't do it... my intention was to find a Bible study that was close enough to walk to. It would eliminate the transportation troubles we tend to have (trying to avoid driving our tank of a van that cost $106 to fill last week, and coordinating schedules w/ a very busy son, and a husband whose schedule is never the same two days in a row). Not only that, it would force me to take a nice long walk once a week. However, the nearby church that I thought I'd go to wasn't having a study during the day. A friend of mine knew of a group of women who was doing Beth Moore's Stepping Up of a morning, and invited me. She even offered to pick me up. All that to say, I almost passed it up just because I couldn't walk to it... it didn't fit my perfect plan. But, I realized that the Psalmist and I have a lot in common and maybe this course would be the perfect fit in another way (the important way!).

I don't have time to really share all that the study is pouring into me right now, but I did want to quickly share one thing that really jumped out at me today when reading Psalm 121. This is it... and it may seem really too simple, but for me it was profound. The LORD is my helper, no one else. My husband is not my protector and provider, the LORD is. The LORD is my shelter, not my house. HE is everything I need and He is never going away.

In a warring world and a country with a struggling economy, perhaps this will be an encouragement to others, as well.

"...From whence shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth."
Ps 121:1-2

6/6/06 -- I Will Learn to Fly

I decided the original post I had here was way too long -- so I cut it down to the last few (most important) paragraphs. My original idea was that new visitors would have a glimpse into the beginning of our journey, but I later had second thoughts. However, if you really WANT to read about the beginning of this blog, I have put the original first several paragraphs in the comments.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
In the last 24 months, have we learned to fly? I am not sure we are completely there yet.... or maybe I should say consistently there yet! But, we have made definite progress.:

We have learned that our weariness, our faint-heartedness, and our inabilities can be overcome with God’s strength.

We have learned that when we finally acknowledge that we have no strength of our own, God is there with all of the power we need to endure whatever we face.

We have learned that when we are weak, He is strong.

We have learned that when we try to rely on our own sufficiency, we WILL grow faint and weary.

We have learned the ridiculousness of trusting in ourselves, rather than God.

We have learned that God often puts His signature on His grace by using impeccable timing.

We have learned that FAITH, TRUST, and a commitment to seek GOD’S WILL for our lives brings the greatest strength, power, and peace into our lives.

We have learned that we CAN FLY when we rise above the challenges and difficulties of our earthly life by keeping our eyes on Jesus.

We have learned the secret to contentment in spite of our circumstances: We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

I'm sure I've heard many of these things throughout my Christian life. But, I'm not sure I ever truly learned them until I was in the classroom of trials and difficulties. My faith has grown exponentially, and my love for God has deepened. Each day, I wake up and say to the Lord, "Whatever happens today, I still trust You." And, often I find myself praying and repeating that phrase again and again throughout the day. It is not just a physical battle for survival, but a spiritual battle. That is why we need you to continue to stand with us in prayer.

Thank you to each of you who have prayed for us, sent us notes of encouragement, generously shared food, clothing, money, work (odd jobs), or other gifts with us, thank you for loving us and encouraging us. Thank you to those who have been an example of faith and perseverance to us. Each of you have been been God's hands and feet in our lives in so many ways. May God bless you, bountifully, for your loving and caring hearts!

Answer to Prayer

Can I just share an answer to prayer? Our kids are leaving for a youth mission trip on Saturday and my daughter needed money for meals. I had been praying for that, and she had been praying specifically for babysitting jobs. She hasn't had any babysitting for weeks, then suddenly she was asked to babysit on Sunday and Tuesday for most of the day. The jobs have given her just what she needed for spending money. And I mean that literally... JUST the amount she needed!
Praise God!

The Process Not the End

I've had some people tell me thanks for being transparent in that last post. I shared the ugliness of my pity party with you. Quite honestly, I don't like doing that much, and find it kind of embarrassing at times.... but, I don't want my posts to make it sound like we are cruising along with nary a doubt or worry. I want to be real and share our downs as well as our ups. I wish I could say I never have a moment like that, but I'm an imperfect human and that is unrealistic. I am thankful that I can be honest with God about my feelings, as well as be honest with you. But, I also want you to know that when I have those moments, I still end by telling God, "I trust You." Yes, I pour out all of my worries, fears and frustrations, but I still trust Him. He is good, ALL of the time, whether my circumstances are good or not.

"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,
whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Phil. 4:12-13

My Friday devotional (My Utmost for His Highest) last week really spoke to me.... Chambers said: "We must never put our dreams for success as God's purpose for us; His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have an idea that God is leading us to a particular end, a desired goal; He is not."

"It is the PROCESS NOT THE END, which is glorifying to God."

I've already shared with you that I sometimes get hyper focused on finding the end of this chapter of our lives. I've hoped and prayed that I could write our "happily ever after story" and move on. But, you know what? That's the wrong goal. The goal is not financial or business success. God's goal for my life is that I would become more like Christ, which IS a process. And His ultimate goal for my life is to bring glory to Him. Some days it is a minute-by-minute battle to keep my perspective straight. But, if it takes and extended period of trials and difficulties to bring out those things in my life, I have to trust that God knows what He is doing. 

He is Faithful

Mark hasn't had any work for almost 2 weeks now, probably thanks to the phone company's mess up with our phone. So, I've been cooking out of the pantry/freezer... I was thankful we had those supplies to draw upon. Don't feel bad for us, we have food. But, on the way home from church last night, I was thinking about Memorial Day weekend and the fact that I would like to have our oldest son and daughter-in-law, and grandbaby over for a BBQ. As a matter of fact, I invited them without even knowing what we'd have. I was racking my brain, thinking what I might have at home that we could use for a BBQ. As I passed the grocery store, I really wanted to stop, but knew it would only create more angst within me. Immediately, I started telling God that I cannot take the stress anymore. That I'm soooo tired, and asking Him why He allows this situation to continue. I just drove and told God every stinkin' thinkin' thing I had in my head.

When I arrived at home, Mark said that a couple from church had dropped by with a card. When I opened it, I read, "Happy Memorial Day. Thank you for your living testimony." There was a grocery gift card inside. You might think that I'd jump for joy at that moment, but I was simply humbled from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. First of all, I wasn't feeling much like a living testimony at that moment! But, even more so, I was humbled that God is so faithful, even when I am not. It is such a beautiful display of His care and another one of those moments when His timing is so impeccable that I couldn't possibly think it was of anyone but Him. God must've set the wheels in motion for this couple to drop by with their gift when they did, before I had even begun my prayerful, weepy monologue on my drive home last night.

What an amazing example of His grace. So undeserving am I. So very faithful is He.

Behind on Posting!

I'm so sorry I haven't posted in a while. Life is incredibly busy. Mark went to Haiti for 4 days. It was a very good trip. They were able to distribute a lot of food and check out various options for future mission trips to Haiti for our church. They were encouraged by meeting with the Haitian pastor, and hopefuly, he was also encouraged by their visit.

Our son, Paul, is still in Japan. He is having a good trip, as well. It is incredible to see how God has provided for this trip. The church told Paul they would pay for the trip, but asked the guys to do fund-raisers and reimburse the church whatever they could. A couple of weeks before Paul and Dan left on their trip, they did a little concert where they shared about what they would be doing in Japan, and they lead worship for about an hour... people who attended were incredibly generous with donations that evening. In addition, Dan and Paul didn't know it, but the church leaders recorded that worship service and then gave the CDs out the next Sunday in exchange for a donation. Again, the church was incredibly generous, doubling the funds the guys had already raised. When Paul and Dan return there will be another fund-raiser at the church... a rummage sale on May 31. Email me if you want details. Paul keeps sending back beautiful photos and videos.... it helps us to feel like he isn't TOO far away. They have worked on the church building a lot.... painting, building and installing hand railings, gutters, cleaning, yard work, and more. They have attended English classes so that the students can practice conversing English with them. They have lead worship in a Japanese church. They say the Japanese love their music and keep asking them to sing more. And, they've done a lot of sight seeing. The American missionary there found them some dirt bikes, so in the evenings they typically bike around Nagano. They have been invited into Japanese homes for meals and they are enjoying spending time with the people. They said that one little Japanese girl was fascinated with their eyes, especially Paul's blue ones. :-) They come back on the 26th. Please pray for a safe trip for them.

I would also ask that you pray for Mark's business. The trip to Haiti ended up costing us some business. I am trying hard to trust God in this... God called Mark to go. And He knew that this would happen. So, it is another lesson in TRUST.

What happened is..... We had our phone company forward business phone calls to our business partners in Ohio, so that they could answer questions and take appointments for Mark while he was gone. I could've done it, but I'm not knowledgeable enough regarding inspection practices so we didn't feel it was the best option. I wasn't home much during the 4 days Mark was gone. The last day of Mark's trip I was home in the evening, and I noticed that the business line rang here at home (oh no!) and went to our home answering machine! Not good. Apparently, the phone company messed something up in the settings and the phone calls did not forward to Ohio. But, since I wasn't home I didn't realize it was wrong until late on the 4th day. So, Mark has had no work scheduled for this week, and who know what the customers who called during those 4 days thought when the home answering machine picked up. The phone has rang very little this week... there is no doubt this trip hurt the fledgling business.

Yep, this is a lesson in trust. I'm having a hard time with it. Please pray!
Thank you.

Somewhere in the Middle

Somehow I stumbled upon a blog I hadn't been to before, and got caught up in a post where the blogger talked about being caught in the middle.... She had been telling someone about her life and troubles when that person stopped her and said, "you know where you are now, don't you?" When she answered that she did not, he replied, "You're in between". He explained that she was not where she was, but also not yet where she intended. The woman asked what she was supposed to do in that "in between" state and he told her, "Linger. Linger with God and learn".

The very same day, a comment was posted on my blog from Lynn at "Somewhere in the Middle". Hmmmmm. That little phrase sounded remarkably similar to the "in between" post that had settled in my mind earlier in the day. I visited the blog and I found that Lynn's situation is very much parallel to ours, with job loss and a struggling business. In one of her posts she explained that the name of her blog comes from a Casting Crowns song that talks about being "in between who I used to be, and who I am going to be".

I love Casting Crowns, but didn't remember hearing this particular song before. I found the lyrics and they are powerful! It expresses what is going on in the life of every believer to some extent, but sometimes God turns up the heat and allows us to experience times of intensive trials and transformation. I could relate to the song on a different level than I would've a couple of years ago. Obviously, my family is not where we were in the past, and we're still not where we intend to be! Likewise, we are between who we were, and who God is making us to be!

Perhaps God was using these blogs and this song to remind me that we are still in process. Obviously, He hasn't completed everything He wants to accomplish within us yet, or we would be further along than we are. I desperately want out of the middle-ness.... so much that I make the mistake of continually straining my neck to see if our tunnel's end is near. And, while I'm doing that, I'm missing the here and now. I desperately want to be able to stop scrutinizing every penny and dollar to death as it passes through our fingers. My heart aches when we cannot help our kids more with their wants and/or needs. And most of all, I want to get off the roller coaster. But, if I'm focusing on that and allowing it to consume me, then I'm squandering my time in this classroom.

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans......

Somewhere between contented peace
and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me.........

Yet, I cannot deny that the most profound lessons of my life have been learned in this middle place we are in. Lessons of faith.... Lessons of trust.... Lessons of miracles.... Lessons of Truth.... Lessons of Grace

Somewhere between who I was
and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me

Is it so bad to linger here? Somehow, a new understanding of our in between state makes the lingering sweeter.

Somewhere in the Middle

Written by Mark Hall, recorded by Casting Crowns.
Find this song at the Casting Crowns webiste.

One Thing Is Needed

A friend sent me a devotional a couple of weeks ago, and the topic came from the Mary and Martha story.

The writer talked about how startled Martha must have been when Jesus indicated she was the problem, not Mary. Martha appeared to be doing all the right things; she was busy at work and serving her special guest. But, the writer said, "The many concerns of Martha's ministry were causing anxiety and inner turmoil. Her desire to serve the Lord had deteriorated to self-pity and irritation."

I can see Martha in me sometimes. I feel torn in many directions, between working in the preschool ministry, facilitating a FPU class at church, coordinating and running the bread ministry, volunteering at the community clothing closet, babysitting my dear grandbaby, homeschooling, keeping up with the house, cooking from scratch to save money, helping Mark on the business (mostly developing a new web site for it), and more. I know all of these things are good, many are necessary, and many are ministry, but much too often these days, my quiet time with God gets pushed to the end of the day and/or to smaller snatches of time.

Just as Jesus called Martha to follow Mary's example, He calls me to do the same:

"But one thing is needed,
and Mary has chosen that good part,
which will not be taken away from her"

The writer concluded: "What an amazing truth: "one thing is needed." That one necessary matter is Jesus. Mary chose Jesus. She was at the feet of her master, getting to know Him, listening to His words of truth and grace.

This was also the apostle Paul's passion:

'one thing I do . .. that I may know Him.'"

Even if success in the business eventually comes, I have won nothing if I am missing the "one necessary thing". Even if the ministries I'm involved in function without a hitch, I am accomplishing nothing worthwhile without the one necessary thing in my own life. Activities and service, and even monetary success, are only good if we make Christ our one Object. Even the very good thing of being able to feed our family and pay our bills is worthless if I am missing the one necessary thing. If I make service my object, then I am only building up myself. If I make serving people my object, I will always be let down. But, if Christ, and only Christ, is my Object then I have put my focus in the right and certain place that will never fail.

"To live is Christ." Phil. 1:21
"That I may gain Christ." Phil. 3:8
"...be found in Him." Phil. 3:9
"to know Christ..." Phil. 3:10

Amen.

Prayers Answered

April has been a very good month! By mid-April we had already met our business expenses for the month. Many Realtors are beginning to learn what a fine inspector Mark is, and are sending business our way. However, I must admit that last week's business was too slow for comfort.

Yet, after such a disappointing week last week, Mark started praying for a certain dollar amount of income to cover April AND May's business expenses. Incredibly, the phone started ringing again and he booked enough inspections to meet that goal today!

This is important because he is going on a short mission trip to Haiti next month and quite honestly, we were a little worried about the possibility of lost income while he is gone. But, it's important for him to go to Haiti. Our church has a church plant in Haiti and we have sent mission teams there regularly for years. But, the current instability of the country has made it too unsafe to send mission teams there right now. However, our church has a church plant there, and our Pastor feels that he really must continue to make visits there, in spite of the political climate. The Haiti pastor really needs spiritual support, direction, and encouragement. As unsafe as it would be for us to send mission teams there right now, it would be even more unsafe for Pastor to travel there alone. He really needed a man or two to go with him. He asked Mark to accompany him, as well as another man in our church. They will also be bringing some food to distribute to the Haitians.

You may not be aware of the escalating food prices, food shortages, and devastating hunger in Haiti. People are resorting to eating mud cookies just to fill their bellies. The problem in Haiti is so vast and severe I feel ashamed for worrying one iota about our own circumstances. We really don't know hardship yet. We are disgustingly RICH in comparison to these Haitians , no matter how poor we may be by American standards.

Please pray for Mark, our Pastor, and our friend Stan, who will be making this trip to Haiti. Pray for their safety and that all of their goals will be accomplished. Might I also ask that you pray for our son, Paul, who is going on a mission trip to Japan in May, too? Please pray for a good, safe trip for him, and that he will be able to raise all of his needed funds quickly. We've seen God meet our monetary needs again and again, and I have no doubt that God will provide for this, too.

Thank you for your prayers, friends! We would never have made it without you.

God Meets ALL of our Needs

Even after 22 plus months of living on faith and prayers, there are occasional days when I feel saddled with anxiety. When the phone doesn't ring (with business) or when something seems poised to go completely wrong, it can be a challenge and a struggle to stay on top. There are a couple places I go when I'm feeling that way. First and foremost, my Bible, where are are so many scriptures that I revisit for encouragement. Secondly, George Mueller's writings. His amazing testimonies never fail to encourage me.

We've basically followed the example of George Mueller who once made this pledge:

"Never to ask any human being for help, however great the need might be,
but to make his wants known to the God who has promised to care for
His servants and to hear their prayer."

I'm not saying that we feel it's wrong to ask men for help, but from the beginning of this journey, we have felt God assuring us that He would care for all of our needs until we were able to again provide for ourselves. I think that, for some reason, this is what He is asking of us, but that doesn't mean it is what He would ask of others. There may come a day when we find God directs us differently... but for now (or should I say, for almost 2 years!), when we've had a need, we've asked Him for help. It is an amazing exercise in faith to go to God, and God only. Many times, after we go to God in prayer, He will whisper our name and need to a believer, and that person will act in obedience and do precisely what God has told them to do. And then we have the privilege of experiencing God's amazing provision... a mini-miracle before our eyes.... we watch God meet our need exactly... and he shows us that He has again heard our prayer and that He is willing and able to meet our needs.

In the words of George Mueller:

"If the Lord fails me at this time, it will be the first time."

And, this beautiful faith-filled quote from Hudson Taylor:

"We have twenty-five cents - and all the promises of God!"

Oh, that you would bless me!

We can tell you've been praying!!! Mark has had three inspections so far this week! Please continue to remember us in your prayers. Thank you!

"Jabez cried out to the God of Israel,
"Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory!
Let your hand be with me,
and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain."
And God granted his request."
I Chron. 4:10

Just Because He Loves

I was thinking today about one way God has been showing his power and presence in our lives recently. Our daughter, as I have mentioned before, has a pretty active Shepherd group as well as our Youth Group. Last month, there was a Shepherd group outing and Hannah wanted to go but was penniless. But, she ended up getting a babysitting job the day before the outing, and was able to go.

This month, we again faced the fact that there were some expensive youth things going on. It includes a really awesome event Hannah looks forward to going to each year. Again, there seemed to be no reason to believe she'd be able to go. She had no money and no prospects. But, just a couple of days before these events, she had an opportunity to work in childcare at church and to babysit again! Both were the DAY BEFORE she was supposed to pay for these events. And the money she made was just enough to meet these needs.

These are the moments when the timing is so "God", you just know that it is from Him. He is our loving Daddy and even when something isn't a "need", sometimes... just sometimes.... he says "yes" just because He loves us that much.

Praises!

We are coming up on the 2nd year anniversary of the day when we first began to spread our wings and attempt to fly. I cannot believe it has been that long, yet another part of me says it has been the longest 2 years of our life!

We have a couple of praises to report. We have a major problem with our house and we were able to get a HUD grant to make some repairs. Praise God for a major blessing! There are still some details to work out... we'll be working with a tight budget and not sure yet we can do everything we need to do.

I also had another God-moment last week. I was putting off going to the grocery store because we had very little cash on hand. I had been cooking out of the freezer and pantry for a while.... which is not a bad thing, we did have food, but food combos can get pretty weird sometimes! :-) Wednesday a woman at church came up to me and said, "I don't know why, but God laid you upon my heart this week and I think I was supposed to give you this." It was a grocery gift card and a perfectly timed gift.

Again, thank you for your prayers and the many ways you all care for us.
May God be glorified!

God's Mercies

I know it has been too long since I've posted. It has been busy here! My in-laws came for a nice visit and after that, we had a week totally absorbed in preparations for our preschool ministry's annual Easter Egg Hunt. I always say that when I "retire", the person who succeeds me must have a large family, because it takes ALL of my family to pull off half of the stuff I do in my work at church. Anything from needing a last minute substitutes, to recruiting teen helpers, to stuffing 2,000 eggs for the Easter egg hunt! (and so much more.)

Mark continues to see steady activity in the business. We have not yet been able to write ourselves a paycheck, but the work is definitely heading in the right direction and we're getting closer to that goal. I've asked you repeatedly to pray for consistency in the work, and the Lord has given us that. Please make sure to praise Him and thank Him for that!! Now, I ask you to pray for continued consistency, and increase in the work!

I need to ask Mark to look at our books and confirm this with hard figures.... but, it seems that we finally got over our hump in the business around the time we gave our testimony at church. After we shared, Pastor asked everyone to pray for us, and I felt in my heart many sincere prayers that were prayed that morning! We also know many people at church were not aware of our situation until that day, and have been praying for us ever since. So, my bottom line is that I think that the the improvement in the business has a direct correlation to the power of prayer!

Now I must share an exciting discovery. In my Bible study I read this passage in Exodus 23. It is passage where God gives his assurances to the Israelites and tells how He will help them, but also an explanation as to why their progress in the Promised Land would be slow.:

"I will send My terror ahead of you and throw into confusion every nation you encounter. I will make all your enemies turn their backs and run. I will send the hornet ahead of you to drive the Hivites, Canaanites and Hittites out of your way. But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you. Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land."

The Message puts verse 30 this way:
"Little by little I'll get them out of there while you have a chance to get your crops going and make the land your own."

I see a direct correlation between this passage and our lives over the last year. Mark and I wanted and expected this business to take off faster than it has. Of course, just as Mark was diving into the industry, the housing market began to soften and eventually declined. But, even more frustrating was the fact that we felt God opened the door for the business and we knew He was capable of making things happen quickly. So, why didn't He? Perhaps it is for the same reasons He did not drive the inhabitants of the Israelite's land all at one time. He did it little by little because He wanted Israel to become stronger and better established in the land. It would be a gradual, but effective process. They would gain control of each part, as they were ready, and the slow progress would allow them to posses a land in good condition that could fully support them. He wanted them to be ready.

It made me think of our son, learning to drive. We first had him drive in a parking lot and learn how to maneuver the car. Then we took him to easy side streets and let him experience just a little traffic and stop signs and all of that. Later, we let him drive on busier streets and slowly progressed to the point where we thought he was ready to drive alone. But, even then, we had rules. No passengers for the first three months. Only driving familiar areas until he was confident. And so on... We knew we it would not benefit him to throw him in and let him learn everything all at once. We knew the process should be gradual in order to produce the best outcome.

Likewise, a slow start to the business has had its benefits. We have had time to develop better marketing tactics, to test different things and learn what works. We've had time to better define our vision for the business, to develop our own ideas on how things should be done.... to make it our own, rather than a carbon copy of others. Mark has had time to nurture great relationships with Realtors and to become a valuable information resource to many of them. He can take as much time as he feels he needs for an inspection, he doesn't have to rush off to another one. He has had time to take lots of classes and get more certifications and be better educated in the inspection business. He has had time to write Continuing Ed courses and teach them, which has been very valuable in developing meaningful relationships with Realtors. If he had become very busy immediately, it sure would've felt good, but would he have the strong foundation that would keep us going for many years to come?

So here is my new thought for the day.....

God, in His wisdom, often delays mercies because we are not ready for them.

Thank you, friends, for your patient prayers, love and support. It would've been easy to forget about us by now, or to be frustrated by our slow progress... but you continue to remember us and help us along. Thank you!

Let me count the ways....

I cannot even begin to recount all of the blessings we continue to receive from the hand of God each day. I'm sure you have noticed that I don't post specific stories quite so much these days, and it is not because God things aren't happening... but more because we've moved to a different phase in our situation. We've come to the place where we are typically asking God to meet that day's needs, and then thanking him each day that He has! We cannot always point to exactly how it happens, but we still have not had our oil and flour become empty. I just wanted to take a few minutes today to share some things He has done over the last few months.

We still receive gifts of various kinds from time to time. I am so humbled by the generous and amazing people of God, who have reached out to us, loved us, supported us with gifts and prayer, blessed us with notes of encouragement, etc. Thank you to each of you for every way you have blessed us.

Our family had the flu a few weeks ago. It was just after our COBRA coverage ended, so we had some pretty expensive medicines and doctor visits to contend with. That week we received very generous gifts that helped us SO very much in meeting the needs we had. In addition, a friend of mine gave me a BIG grocery sack of soups the week before! God provided the soup before we knew we had the need!

I have a friend who has won a grocery gift card from her work THREE times now during these many months. She has passed these on to us, and they have been a true blessing.

I have been volunteering at a community clothing closet in order to get free clothing there. This has helped several times when the kids or I needed something specific... I have found almost everything I've looked for while there.

Our bread ministry continues to bless us and helps others in the community. I deliver the leftover bread to a family in need, and am almost always blessed back with something in return.

Our daughter, Hannah, doesn't have a job (she's still a little too young for one) and she has a pretty active Shepherd's Group at our church. Unfortunately, everything this little group does seems to require money. But, God has been very faithful in providing the funds Hannah needs to participate in most of these outings. Just last week, she was completely penniless and was wanting to go ice skating with her Shepherd Group. That week, she received a card with $5 inside. Not quite enough, but she was $5 closer! Then, a couple days later, she was called about a babysitting job. Turns out they needed her to babysit several hours that Saturday night, and Sunday afternoon was the Shepherd Group outing! She did the babysitting and then had plenty of money to go, thanks to God's perfectly timed provision!!

I will also say that our freezer and pantry never seems to run out of food. We are completely amazed at how this happens. God multiples what we have and sometimes brings food from unexpected sources!! Same with our bank account. Mark can tell this story better than I can, but one day he looked at our bank balance in Quicken and in seeing the scheduled payments that would go out in the next few days, he could see that we'd be in the red by the end of the week. Next time he checked, some how, some way, there was money and we were not in the red even though we had made no deposits. How? Who knows, but Mark firmly believes it was a miracle.

Well, I could go on, but this post is long enough! Just know that God's Word is true and our God is faithful!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.....
Phil. 4:6

Before I close, I want to tell you how God is answering your prayers for our business. I've asked you to pray that the work would become more consistent. Well, for the last 2 months that is exactly what has happened. Mark has had an inspection each week! He is getting wonderful feedback from Realtors and customers. Things are going well. Keep praying! We need the consistency to continue and we also need for the amount of work to increase. We are getting closer to being able to write ourselves a paycheck!

With God All Things are Possible

This has been one of my favorite scriptures throughout the many months of challenges and struggles. There is another scripture that frequently comes to mind, too. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." These verses are a source of comfort and inspiration to me, and the other day I was reminded of just how powerful God's Word is.

I was at WalMart and was very slowly trying to make my way down a crowded aisle with my cart. As I was trying to maneuver around a pole and avoid bumping anyone, a woman suddenly put her hand out and grasped my arm. I stopped. She was looking down at my purse, which was sitting in the seat of the shopping cart. With great emotion in her voice she slowly read the scripture that is embroidered on it out loud, "With God all things are possible." Then, she looked up at me with wide eyes and said, "I needed to see that today." I smiled and said, "Me too." We exchanged smiles again and I went on my way.

Don't you just love the Word of God? It is a soothing balm. It is God's tool and is so powerful.

I mentioned already that I won a blog contest, and I should've shared the link to the store in case you are interested in getting a scripture quote or something else for your walls. It is from: Quote the Walls. I am going to order the "...all things are possible... " scripture. My scripture purse was also won in a blog contest, and it came from Leigh Gray's blog.

Isaiah 55:11 tells us that God's Word will not return void. Here is how The Message puts it:

"Just as rain and snow descend from the skies

and don't go back until they've watered the earth,

Doing their work of making things grow and blossom,

producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,

So will the words that come out of My mouth not come back empty-handed.

They'll do the work I sent them to do, they'll complete the assignment I gave them."

Draw Near

The video of our church's services is up on the web site now. The title of the sermon is Draw Near. Unfortunately, it doesn't allow you to fast forward, so you do have to watch the music portion of th e service. Not that it is necessarily bad, but it makes it a little harder to have time to view it. I must say, it is well worth taking the time to watch it though. Dr. Blankenship's sermon was amazing and his wife's testimony at the beginning was just as incredible. Keep your hanky handy.

You can also download the mp3 through itunes (here) or though the church web site. I think that the mp3s only have the testimony and sermon, not the music.:

Let me know what you think in the comments!! By the way, Sherry's book, Draw Near: One Pilgrim's Journey Through Grief into the Lap of Jesus is available at Amazon.

Also, just a quick mention that I won another blog contest on the fabulous Pennies In My Pocket blog!! Check it out for information on bargain shopping and saving money. It is so funny, of the two blog contests I've won, both prizes have been items with the scripture "Everything is possible with God." I think God is trying to make sure I don't forget it!

When You Pass Through the Waters

I mentioned before that our pastor is doing a series of messages on the Grace of God. He had a guest speaker come yesterday and he preached a powerful message. His family went through a trial of immense proportions. I will share a link to where you can view the sermon online or listen as soon as it becomes available (probably Wednesday).

The focus of the message was this passage, from Isaiah 43

"...Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
"For I am the LORD your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior..."

I'm sure I have read this passage before, but it truly touched me in a new way. One thing our speaker pointed out is that this scripture says "WHEN YOU pass through the waters....". It doesn't say IF. This is a certainty of life --- we will encounter trials and difficulties. No one escapes it. But, there is another certainty in the life of a believer. We should not fear when we pass through the river of trouble because He has redeemed us and we are His. What a precious thought! God has staked claim over a believer's life. We can be certain that when we pass through trials He will be with us. We are never alone in our difficulties, in our miseries, and in our pain!

Think about that for a moment. The One and only true God.... the One Who is omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient is with us at every single moment. And this is the One Who has claimed you for His own, and promises to love you always. He says that even though He will not spare you from troubles in life, He will not allow them to defeat you. He simply will not allow it! That is a pretty powerful promise.

Birthday

It is Hannah's birthday Monday. She wanted to have a birthday party and I told her she could have a gift OR a party.... so basically saying if she chose a party, that would be her gift. Because she LOVES to hang out with her friends, the birthday party sounded much better than anything she could unwrap, so she chose a party!

One event she looks forward to EVERY year is Winter Jam... it is tomorrow and she really wanted to go. I had $50 for the birthday party and I told her that if I had $10 left after buying what we needed, I'd give it to her to buy a ticket to Winter Jam. However, by the time I made her cake and bought stuff to make chili for the party along with a couple bags of chips, there wasn't anything left.

She talked about Winter Jam every day and I told her we'd just have to take that request to God and see what His answer would be. It was starting to look like she wasn't going to be able to go. We ran some errands and she mentioned it several times when we were out, and I was trying very hard not to feel bad about it. I just felt God would take care of it even though it was the "11th hour". When we got home, there were two birthday cards in the mailbox with money inside. I said to her, "I knew God would come through!" and she just smiled from ear to ear.

Grace for Grace

We shared a few minutes at church on Sunday about our experiences over the last 19 months. It was somewhat overwhelming trying to decide what to say.... how to condense 19 months in just a couple of minutes! It was a good exercise, however, to think again about all that has occurred, all we have learned, all the ways God has provided for us physically, emotionally and spiritually. I know that our faith has grown in ways that it never would have outside of a trial. We have come to know God so much better and have come to love Him more.

For me, the last 9 months of starting a business has been more difficult than the 10 months of job hunting before that. I think that is because the time of searching for a job allows you to always be looking towards something that might just be your light at the end of the tunnel. While, building a business... well, I guess I just feel like we were thrust back in the middle of a long tunnel again. We believe God opened up the doors for the business and it is hard to understand why He still is not using the work we do there to meet our physical needs. It was what I fully expected, and I have had to readjust my thinking a serious bit! I have come to believe that God is just taking our trust level up another notch. Having gone a long 19 months without a paycheck is unbelievable. There is absolutely no way it could be possible without God mastering the whole thing. I should testify again to you all.... our flour and oil still are not empty!! We have not missed a payment, we have not missed a meal. It doesn't make sense when you look at it from the natural.... only within the supernatural is it possible.

If you have a chance, listen to the FBC podcast. (Yes, we've entered the 21st century at FBC! Just go to the itunes store and search our church's name.) Pastor is doing a series of messages about God's grace. The first two were wonderful. One of the things he talked about this Sunday is that every need in our life is an opportunity for God to share His grace.

He also talked about how God provided water, manna, and quail for the Israelites when they were wandering in the dessert. They were instructed to collect the manna every morning, and they couldn't store it up for the next day or later. Pastor compared that to God's grace. His grace is "new every morning". God's grace from yesterday is not for today. Every day that you experience grace in your life it becomes easier to trust in God in many ways, but you can't depend on yesterday's grace for today, or store today's up for tomorrow. "Fresh needs, fresh supply". It was such a great explanation of the cycle I find myself in during the struggle to remain optimistic and to continue to trust in God when things aren't going the way I would like them to. It is frustrating to me when I'm running on empty.... I feel like I'm being weak and failing. But, after Pastor's message I have a new understanding of this... each day I must go back to God for another measure of grace... enough grace to get through the next day. Or on a really bad day... enough grade to get through the next hour.

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Lam. 3:20-22

"From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another."

John 1:16 (NIV)

Remember when the Israelites were at the edge of the Promised Land for the first time? They sent spies in and two came out saying the land was wonderful, while the others came out spewing doubts and fears.

The Israelites responded to Moses: "Where can we go? Our brothers have made us lose heart. They say, 'The people are stronger and taller than we are; the cities are large, with walls up to the sky.... "Deut. 1:28

Then I (Moses) said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." Deut. 1:29-31

"In spite of this, you did not trust in the LORD your God." Deut. 1:32 (The KJV says, "In this thing you did not believe the Lord your God.")

While we wait and struggle and hope and pray for this business to grow...... there have been many moments when I have been like those brothers in the above verse... I have been counting the giants, calculating their height, and factoring our odds. But, God reminds me that we must not react in fear when God has opened the door. In the past, He has gone before us in the "desert" and met our needs over and over again. Quite honestly, the giants are still pretty scary... we ARE the little guy in the picture, but we have a great big God!!

If you look back at the early days of this blog, you'll see that God has performed small miracles in our lives for months and months, we've witnessed His love, power and provision in our lives, we've experienced amazing answers to prayer. God will continue to go ahead of us, fight for us, and carry us when we need to be carried until we reached our "promised land".

I am choosing to trust God "in this".


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On another front, I never did share that God provided a wonderful Christmas for our family. We had plenty of food, gifts under the tree and family in our home. I had prayed and asked very specifically for something regarding Christmas that I don't feel I can share the specifics of here.... but God answered that prayer in exactly the way I asked. I know God is not our Santa Claus and He sometimes says no to our requests. But, this is one time when He said yes in a big way and showed me once again that is working on our behalf each and every day.