The Process Not the End

I've had some people tell me thanks for being transparent in that last post. I shared the ugliness of my pity party with you. Quite honestly, I don't like doing that much, and find it kind of embarrassing at times.... but, I don't want my posts to make it sound like we are cruising along with nary a doubt or worry. I want to be real and share our downs as well as our ups. I wish I could say I never have a moment like that, but I'm an imperfect human and that is unrealistic. I am thankful that I can be honest with God about my feelings, as well as be honest with you. But, I also want you to know that when I have those moments, I still end by telling God, "I trust You." Yes, I pour out all of my worries, fears and frustrations, but I still trust Him. He is good, ALL of the time, whether my circumstances are good or not.

"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,
whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Phil. 4:12-13

My Friday devotional (My Utmost for His Highest) last week really spoke to me.... Chambers said: "We must never put our dreams for success as God's purpose for us; His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have an idea that God is leading us to a particular end, a desired goal; He is not."

"It is the PROCESS NOT THE END, which is glorifying to God."

I've already shared with you that I sometimes get hyper focused on finding the end of this chapter of our lives. I've hoped and prayed that I could write our "happily ever after story" and move on. But, you know what? That's the wrong goal. The goal is not financial or business success. God's goal for my life is that I would become more like Christ, which IS a process. And His ultimate goal for my life is to bring glory to Him. Some days it is a minute-by-minute battle to keep my perspective straight. But, if it takes and extended period of trials and difficulties to bring out those things in my life, I have to trust that God knows what He is doing. 

He is Faithful

Mark hasn't had any work for almost 2 weeks now, probably thanks to the phone company's mess up with our phone. So, I've been cooking out of the pantry/freezer... I was thankful we had those supplies to draw upon. Don't feel bad for us, we have food. But, on the way home from church last night, I was thinking about Memorial Day weekend and the fact that I would like to have our oldest son and daughter-in-law, and grandbaby over for a BBQ. As a matter of fact, I invited them without even knowing what we'd have. I was racking my brain, thinking what I might have at home that we could use for a BBQ. As I passed the grocery store, I really wanted to stop, but knew it would only create more angst within me. Immediately, I started telling God that I cannot take the stress anymore. That I'm soooo tired, and asking Him why He allows this situation to continue. I just drove and told God every stinkin' thinkin' thing I had in my head.

When I arrived at home, Mark said that a couple from church had dropped by with a card. When I opened it, I read, "Happy Memorial Day. Thank you for your living testimony." There was a grocery gift card inside. You might think that I'd jump for joy at that moment, but I was simply humbled from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. First of all, I wasn't feeling much like a living testimony at that moment! But, even more so, I was humbled that God is so faithful, even when I am not. It is such a beautiful display of His care and another one of those moments when His timing is so impeccable that I couldn't possibly think it was of anyone but Him. God must've set the wheels in motion for this couple to drop by with their gift when they did, before I had even begun my prayerful, weepy monologue on my drive home last night.

What an amazing example of His grace. So undeserving am I. So very faithful is He.

Behind on Posting!

I'm so sorry I haven't posted in a while. Life is incredibly busy. Mark went to Haiti for 4 days. It was a very good trip. They were able to distribute a lot of food and check out various options for future mission trips to Haiti for our church. They were encouraged by meeting with the Haitian pastor, and hopefuly, he was also encouraged by their visit.

Our son, Paul, is still in Japan. He is having a good trip, as well. It is incredible to see how God has provided for this trip. The church told Paul they would pay for the trip, but asked the guys to do fund-raisers and reimburse the church whatever they could. A couple of weeks before Paul and Dan left on their trip, they did a little concert where they shared about what they would be doing in Japan, and they lead worship for about an hour... people who attended were incredibly generous with donations that evening. In addition, Dan and Paul didn't know it, but the church leaders recorded that worship service and then gave the CDs out the next Sunday in exchange for a donation. Again, the church was incredibly generous, doubling the funds the guys had already raised. When Paul and Dan return there will be another fund-raiser at the church... a rummage sale on May 31. Email me if you want details. Paul keeps sending back beautiful photos and videos.... it helps us to feel like he isn't TOO far away. They have worked on the church building a lot.... painting, building and installing hand railings, gutters, cleaning, yard work, and more. They have attended English classes so that the students can practice conversing English with them. They have lead worship in a Japanese church. They say the Japanese love their music and keep asking them to sing more. And, they've done a lot of sight seeing. The American missionary there found them some dirt bikes, so in the evenings they typically bike around Nagano. They have been invited into Japanese homes for meals and they are enjoying spending time with the people. They said that one little Japanese girl was fascinated with their eyes, especially Paul's blue ones. :-) They come back on the 26th. Please pray for a safe trip for them.

I would also ask that you pray for Mark's business. The trip to Haiti ended up costing us some business. I am trying hard to trust God in this... God called Mark to go. And He knew that this would happen. So, it is another lesson in TRUST.

What happened is..... We had our phone company forward business phone calls to our business partners in Ohio, so that they could answer questions and take appointments for Mark while he was gone. I could've done it, but I'm not knowledgeable enough regarding inspection practices so we didn't feel it was the best option. I wasn't home much during the 4 days Mark was gone. The last day of Mark's trip I was home in the evening, and I noticed that the business line rang here at home (oh no!) and went to our home answering machine! Not good. Apparently, the phone company messed something up in the settings and the phone calls did not forward to Ohio. But, since I wasn't home I didn't realize it was wrong until late on the 4th day. So, Mark has had no work scheduled for this week, and who know what the customers who called during those 4 days thought when the home answering machine picked up. The phone has rang very little this week... there is no doubt this trip hurt the fledgling business.

Yep, this is a lesson in trust. I'm having a hard time with it. Please pray!
Thank you.

Somewhere in the Middle

Somehow I stumbled upon a blog I hadn't been to before, and got caught up in a post where the blogger talked about being caught in the middle.... She had been telling someone about her life and troubles when that person stopped her and said, "you know where you are now, don't you?" When she answered that she did not, he replied, "You're in between". He explained that she was not where she was, but also not yet where she intended. The woman asked what she was supposed to do in that "in between" state and he told her, "Linger. Linger with God and learn".

The very same day, a comment was posted on my blog from Lynn at "Somewhere in the Middle". Hmmmmm. That little phrase sounded remarkably similar to the "in between" post that had settled in my mind earlier in the day. I visited the blog and I found that Lynn's situation is very much parallel to ours, with job loss and a struggling business. In one of her posts she explained that the name of her blog comes from a Casting Crowns song that talks about being "in between who I used to be, and who I am going to be".

I love Casting Crowns, but didn't remember hearing this particular song before. I found the lyrics and they are powerful! It expresses what is going on in the life of every believer to some extent, but sometimes God turns up the heat and allows us to experience times of intensive trials and transformation. I could relate to the song on a different level than I would've a couple of years ago. Obviously, my family is not where we were in the past, and we're still not where we intend to be! Likewise, we are between who we were, and who God is making us to be!

Perhaps God was using these blogs and this song to remind me that we are still in process. Obviously, He hasn't completed everything He wants to accomplish within us yet, or we would be further along than we are. I desperately want out of the middle-ness.... so much that I make the mistake of continually straining my neck to see if our tunnel's end is near. And, while I'm doing that, I'm missing the here and now. I desperately want to be able to stop scrutinizing every penny and dollar to death as it passes through our fingers. My heart aches when we cannot help our kids more with their wants and/or needs. And most of all, I want to get off the roller coaster. But, if I'm focusing on that and allowing it to consume me, then I'm squandering my time in this classroom.

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans......

Somewhere between contented peace
and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me.........

Yet, I cannot deny that the most profound lessons of my life have been learned in this middle place we are in. Lessons of faith.... Lessons of trust.... Lessons of miracles.... Lessons of Truth.... Lessons of Grace

Somewhere between who I was
and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me

Is it so bad to linger here? Somehow, a new understanding of our in between state makes the lingering sweeter.

Somewhere in the Middle

Written by Mark Hall, recorded by Casting Crowns.
Find this song at the Casting Crowns webiste.

One Thing Is Needed

A friend sent me a devotional a couple of weeks ago, and the topic came from the Mary and Martha story.

The writer talked about how startled Martha must have been when Jesus indicated she was the problem, not Mary. Martha appeared to be doing all the right things; she was busy at work and serving her special guest. But, the writer said, "The many concerns of Martha's ministry were causing anxiety and inner turmoil. Her desire to serve the Lord had deteriorated to self-pity and irritation."

I can see Martha in me sometimes. I feel torn in many directions, between working in the preschool ministry, facilitating a FPU class at church, coordinating and running the bread ministry, volunteering at the community clothing closet, babysitting my dear grandbaby, homeschooling, keeping up with the house, cooking from scratch to save money, helping Mark on the business (mostly developing a new web site for it), and more. I know all of these things are good, many are necessary, and many are ministry, but much too often these days, my quiet time with God gets pushed to the end of the day and/or to smaller snatches of time.

Just as Jesus called Martha to follow Mary's example, He calls me to do the same:

"But one thing is needed,
and Mary has chosen that good part,
which will not be taken away from her"

The writer concluded: "What an amazing truth: "one thing is needed." That one necessary matter is Jesus. Mary chose Jesus. She was at the feet of her master, getting to know Him, listening to His words of truth and grace.

This was also the apostle Paul's passion:

'one thing I do . .. that I may know Him.'"

Even if success in the business eventually comes, I have won nothing if I am missing the "one necessary thing". Even if the ministries I'm involved in function without a hitch, I am accomplishing nothing worthwhile without the one necessary thing in my own life. Activities and service, and even monetary success, are only good if we make Christ our one Object. Even the very good thing of being able to feed our family and pay our bills is worthless if I am missing the one necessary thing. If I make service my object, then I am only building up myself. If I make serving people my object, I will always be let down. But, if Christ, and only Christ, is my Object then I have put my focus in the right and certain place that will never fail.

"To live is Christ." Phil. 1:21
"That I may gain Christ." Phil. 3:8
"...be found in Him." Phil. 3:9
"to know Christ..." Phil. 3:10

Amen.